I wonder what it would have been like to see your smile every day, to wake up on a Saturday morning to find you sitting on the couch in pajama pants and a white t-shirt, staring out the window

I wonder what it would have felt like to run and jump into your lap, lay my head on your chest and listen to – feel the cadence of your heart beat

I wonder what new ideas or business ventures would have been swirling around in that magnificent head of yours as you sit and think

I wonder how you smelled, what type of cologne you liked.  I wish that I could take that old white t-shirt you wore on Saturday morning, put it in a glass box, and preserve the scent of you forever. 

That way, whenever I started to miss you, or needed your advice, or just wanted to be close, I could pull it out and find immediate comfort in knowing that you were right there with me.

I always wondered why my grandfather was so fond of you.  Why he always asked me about you.  Why he felt it important to remind me of your good heart, your honesty toward him, and your pleasing manners.  He must have seen something great (pure, trustworthy, admirable) in you because a man impressing him was no small feat.

My friend and her dad danced to Stevie Wonder’s You Are the Sunshine of My Life              I wonder what our song would have been                                                                                    Oh, I know!  I Loved Her First.  It’s a little bit country, which makes it sweet enough for the moment, but tough enough to let him know that you were there first

I wonder what characteristics we share.  Well, not really.                                                           I know I have your lips and nose.  I know I have your passion and imagination.  I know we both long for freedom, loathe being told what to, and desire to chart the course of our own lives. 

When I wonder what I can do to honor your life, the only thing I can think of is to fully live mine:

To harness all the passion and zeal you had to fulfill your dreams to ensure mine come to pass                                                                                                                                                     To never become bridled by the status-quo                                                                                    To be true to myself and the gifts that God has given me                                                             To dust myself off and try, try again if at first I don’t succeed                                                     To love and give out of the abundant treasure of my heart                                                           To learn everything I can about you and share it with my children, grandchildren, and many generations of great-grand’s                                                                                                    To bind the memory of you in my heart                                                                                          To know that you loved me and are always with me

Love,                                                                                                                                                      Kandyce